Consumerism / Counterculture / Sustainability

Good Friends Don’t Let Friend’s Go Shopping When They’re Stoned

Photo 2014-09-11 午後10 03 31

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©All Rights Reserved 2015



“You’ll come back with a ton of things you don’t need,” they said. Things. A ton of them. All hollow, cardboard and covered in cheese-dust. The kind that melts. Glistens, all chemically-ominous, like some cheesy, orange narcotic.

But oh, that tactile input makes you feel so damn good. Denial is useless. Renunciation is to reject the tools with which we shape our identity in this demented, bio-political cakewalk we call existence. Your hooked. And I know where you can score, my friends: at the supermarket.

My high-as-a-kite mission this week, was to explore the psycho-spiritual interactions with a food commodity. Or, to put it another way, my examination of the truths to be found in the slogan of health-nuts the world over:



It’s evident, that there are certain psycho-spiritual exchanges deriving from our relationships with food commodities.

Take for example, the physical and emotional torture of those dieting themselves into a corporeal-minimalist-heroin-chic fashion statement. Or, at the other extreme, we may consider the conspicuous blubber-fest synonymous with the rampant over-consumption of foodstuffs in “Capitalist Democracies,” the world over. That unrelenting homogenous quest,

for life, liberty and the pursuit of fattiness.

We are what we consume. Particularly if you consider more recent developments in theoretical physics. Accordingly, we become aware that there is supposedly no separation between us and what we consume.

Literally. Atomically. Whether you are chowing on a heart-attack-in-a-bun-burger, or buying novelty sex toys, at the local Shagland Superstore. Or, even if you are one of the many, caving in to the concept that unless you buy the latest V8 maxi-grunt, two ton utility with free air; fairly soon, you will have all the social potential of a freeze-dried genital wart.

Furthermore, if its true that the universe exists by our perception of it, then the identity that we derive from our temporal consumption experiences, are solely unique to us. For example, no else can quantify, within the same time-space, the vast array of psycho-spiritual meanings to be gained from fondling a packet of Papa Mafiarelli’s Homestyle Crispy Crud Stix with twenty percent less fat. No One. No one can experience the same sense of manifest destiny, fulfilled by that particular packet, at that particular moment. Observe.

“Mmmmmmmmmm — Crispy Crud Stix. Oh, the funky spelling. Stix. Man that’s so hip. But wait. There’s also that irresistible sense of old world, Italian homestyle charm. Oh, how can I resist. So spicy, tomatoey and crunchy. Just-a-like-a-papa-used-ta-ma… NO! I must resist. No, I cannot.


I remember what that article in Groan Left Weakly, said. Something about Papa Mafiarelli PTY. LTD, once providing catering party favor packs for some ex-administration henchman, who once farted in the general direction of a sub-sub-subsidiary of a corporation, which once sold weapons to a retired dictator’s, camel trainer’s, long lost brother’s, uncle’s, sister’s dog, who was once reported to have licked the imperialistic boot-heels of some out-of-work, fascist general warmonger, who once vacationed within two countries of a suspected, counter, counter, counter-insurgency to overthrow some burgeoning state with free healthcare and…

MMMMMMM…garlic and basil seasoning!

I did buy those Papa Mafiarelli’s Crud Stix in the end. Something to do with the need to have an anecdote, with which to illustrate the weakness of the human condition in the face of those evil, “Cappo marketeers.” Damn them. They got me again. Those evil chip-mongers. The end is nigh. It’s a crispy, potato-based conspiracy, insidiously forcing us to gorge ourselves until we explode.

But wait. Let’s think this through. Relatively speaking, we have owed a lot to the forces of Neo-liberal Economic Globalization.

I mean, think of the grand feeling of motivation and identity that suddenly develops in the face of poverty stricken alienation and disaffection, on the bottom rungs of all Neo-Liberalized societies. Consider the deep and unfulfilled hunger for social progress that can come only from being reminded on a daily basis that the, “Trickle Down Effect,” of neo-classical economics, has more to do with being urinated upon upon from a great height, than even getting the merge scraps dropped begrudgingly from the political and industrial aristocracy’s table.

What about the sense of justification, that we can only feel from having the police beat us unconscious, for exercising our fundamental democratic rights to stand around in a public space and chant mind-numbingly repetitive counter-culture clichés about everything that’s getting on our wick.


We certainly wouldn’t have any of those hip, Che Guevara t-shirts to wear. And where would we be, if the government didn’t gobble our pensions and spend them on a spot of war and re-colonization, or trample upon the cost of essential medicines and wages in the name of free-trade.


It never felt more exciting and justifiable to be poor and angry, than when one of those conspicuously consumption types, nearly runs your bicycle off the road, in their handmade sports car.

Where would our awareness of human rights, ethics and the sustainable management of material resources be, without the manifest consequences of unsustainable modes of production and consumption. You know the ones. The kinds supported by the buyers of said handmade sport-cars, with their Fossil Muncher Deluxe, V24 engines and old-growth forest timber interiors, flown – piece by piece – in an otherwise empty cargo plane, as it lifts-off from a runway felled in amongst virgin rainforest controlled by genocide sponsoring Amazonian logging interests.


Funny really, the different kinds of meanings that people invest in stuff. My friend Steve-o once bought a packet of the very same Papa Mafiarellis Crud Stix. He’d gotten stoned. Developed a raging case of the pot-munchies, and scoffed the whole lot in the space of a few minutes. All he considered was the shits and giggles he got from watching those kooky, tap-dancing mobsters from the Papa Mafiarelli’s TV commercial and a rotten stomach ache.

I wish I could be more like Stevo.




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8 thoughts on “Good Friends Don’t Let Friend’s Go Shopping When They’re Stoned

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